What Should You Not Say To Students In The Classroom?

Teachers’ words have an immeasurable impact on the students they teach. Comments can be used to build up, enrich, and empower students in and beyond the classroom. However, words can also bring down and wound students immeasurably. Teachers are often taught about positive communication, but what should teachers not say to students in the classroom?

Teachers should not speak in anger, curse, threaten, or challenge students. Avoid using manipulative communication strategies and comparisons and shutting students down when they need help. Actively discouraging, insulting, or mocking students can have a long-term negative impact on their well-being and academic performance.

The teacher’s voice is heard in the classroom for up to 80% of the school day. Teachers are responsible for keeping their communication professional, which is straightforward when sharing facts, knowledge, and skills.

But when communication becomes interpersonal, you can have emotional responses to questioning, negative attitudes, or rule-breaking behavior. How a teacher communicates in these cases is more challenging. Let’s look at the kinds of reactions teachers should avoid and what not to say to students.

Table of Contents

Never Speak In Anger

We all have moments when we lose our composure, get irritated, and become impatient with students. However, losing your temper and yelling at students is unprofessional, disrespectful, and frightening for younger students. While the students may quieten down, words spoken in anger can undermine a teacher’s authority and destroy an atmosphere of trust.

Here are some examples of words spoken in anger and their possible impact.

Cursing

Cursing at students is unprofessional and disrespectful and can lead to a teacher being fired in some states. There is never any excuse to use profanity or crude, vulgar, or violent language in the classroom.

Antagonistic Rhetorical Questions

Angrily asking students rhetorical questions is a form of thinly veiled accusation. Examples include, “What did I just tell you?” and, “Why are you still talking?”

It is unclear to the student whether you’re expecting an answer from them or not, leaving them confused and nervous.

Additionally, there is no way a student can respond to these questions without appearing disrespectful, even if the answer is innocuous, like: “You just told me to open my book.”

If your purpose is to get the students to start their task or to stop talking, then deliver the message clearly and respectfully: “I need you to open your book and start your work now.”

Alternatively, frame the question in a constructive way that invites a teachable moment. For instance, encourage the student to consider their decision to speak and ask, “What should you be doing now instead of talking?”

“Shut Up!”

Students may get on a teacher’s nerves by being rowdy or talking out of turn. However, shouting “Shut up!” at students is disrespectful and will automatically put the spotlight on you for all the wrong reasons.

Several other (more effective and polite) ways to quiet a class without yelling exist.

“What Did You Say?”

Another negative rhetorical question, but this challenge is a response to a student muttering a final comeback after a confrontational interaction with a teacher.

A challenging statement invites further aggression. As the teacher, you should be calming, not escalating the situation, so ignore the whispered words and move on.

No Indirect, Manipulative Communication

Manipulative communication means using indirect means to influence students’ behavior. While these approaches can be somewhat effective in conjuring compliant behavior, the downside seldom outweighs the results, as you end up modeling disingenuous communication.

Here are some typical examples of manipulative teacher quotes:

“Look At (Student Name) Sitting So Well”

A fundamental teaching philosophy is to reward positive behavior while giving minimal attention to negative behavior, often called “positive reinforcement.” Teachers then point out the desired behavior to promote and encourage others to follow suit.

This approach is effective if you are speaking privately to the student, where you can say, “Well done, I like the way you are sitting quietly.”

However, when you use one student as an example and compare the other students to them, you are modeling indirect, manipulative communication. You aren’t speaking directly to the said student; your words are targeted at the other students.

Doing so not only makes others feel inferior but can also put unwanted attention and pressure on the student you are depicting as a role model.

“Say Sorry To (Student Name) Right Now!”

It is essential to teach students to apologize, but forcing a student to say sorry denies their feelings and the possibility of learning from the interaction.

A forced apology doesn’t equal repentance or forgiveness. It is a manipulative formulaic response that isn’t honest communication.

Students often walk away feeling frustrated, unseen, and disinclined to change their behavior.

Instead, encourage students to think about the situation, the impact on others, and how to behave differently next time.

“That’s Not A Good Excuse”

Asking students for an explanation and then rejecting it does not teach responsibility. Instead, it implies that the student is being dishonest and puts them in a position of generating more excuses, hoping to find one that will please the teacher.

Again, phrases like this will (consciously or subconsciously) manipulate the student’s behavior and thoughts, which leads to unhealthy communication habits.

Discussing the justification and the student’s situation is more helpful than undermining the student’s attempt to take responsibility.

Don’t Compare

Never compare two students, siblings or not, either negatively or positively. Doing so will always position one student as lesser than the other and will undoubtedly invite resentment.

Students loathe hearing statements like:

“You’re nothing like your brother/sister”

Comparing a sibling in such a disapproving matter means one sibling will always be in the shadow of the “better” sibling. It also means the teacher is not seeing and developing the other sibling’s unique gifts and personality.

“You’re just like your brother/sister!”

On the other side of the coin, if one sibling has a reputation as unruly or a low achiever, it is easy to jump to comparisons if the other sibling also exhibits any signs of imperfect behavior or poor academic performance.

However, judging a student based on their sibling’s reputation is unfair for various reasons. Firstly, it does not allow them to prove themselves and make their own mark.

And secondly, it can create a self-fulfilling prophecy in that if you label a student in a particular way, they are more likely to internalize and act according to the label, thus validating the prediction.

“Why Can’t You Behave Like (Student Name)?”

Using one of the students as a model for the rest of the students creates feelings of inferiority and discontent among other students and does little to motivate them to improve.

Comparisons like these also risk accusations of favoritism, fueling resentment toward the teacher.

Moreover, the model student may become the target of bullying and dislike from peers.

Shutting Students Down

Shutting students down means avoiding interacting because you are busy, stressed, or disinterested.

It could lead to statements like:

“I’m Busy Now”

Being accessible to your students is essential for their well-being and development, so dismissing them if they need you will have adverse effects.

Rather than simply shutting the student down, offer an alternative, such as a later meeting time.

Emphasize that the student and their concerns are important. Also, leave space for the student to explain if the discussion is an emergency or time-bound in some way.

“I Don’t Care If You Don’t Like Me”

A teacher often uses this phrase when a student says or does something that shows their dissatisfaction towards the teacher. This could include a roll of the eyes, an angry facial expression, or a less subtle “I don’t like you!”

While teachers and students should not be friends, the classroom relationship should be mutually respectful and harmonious. Students learn more than just subject content at school: they are learning about relationships, and their relationship with the teacher is one of the central learning experiences.

Students who like and respect a teacher are far more willing to engage, learn, cooperate, and work hard. Likewise, when teachers like and show genuine care for their students, learning becomes more effortless and successful.

“I’ve Already Gone Over That. Why Weren’t You Listening?”

Shutting down a student asking questions or for clarification means a teacher is not teaching successfully.

Students learn at a different pace, so the teacher needs to continue explaining, reteaching, and revisiting concepts, especially new ones, until all the students are caught up and feel secure with the objectives.

Remember that if one student is asking a question, others will likely have the same question.

“Just Do As I Say”

Besides a clear neglect of one’s responsibilities as a teacher, this statement also shuts down students who have questions or may need further support.

It can take much courage for a student to ask for assistance when not 100% sure about something. Brushing off questions will lead to students making unnecessary errors and losing confidence in themselves and their teachers.

Finally, the repressive nature of the response quashes students’ critical thinking skills when instead, we should be doing more to promote freethought and discussion.

“If You Don’t Want To Learn, Then You Shouldn’t Be Here”

Suggesting that you are not obliged to teach uncooperative students is not valid. Teachers cannot choose to only teach enthusiastic, compliant students while neglecting the rest.

Furthermore, removing disruptive or non-compliant students is a short-term solution and won’t fix the student’s lack of engagement.

Rather than being banished from learning, students should be allowed to self-correct and discover that their participation will enhance their learning.

“Don’t Ask Such Stupid Questions.”

Teachers are responsible for answering students’ questions about a lesson, information, or content. Shutting students down with this insulting response is not only unkind but discourages the whole class from feeling comfortable and confident to ask for help.

In addition, shutting down questions in such a manner is also a lost opportunity for teachers to receive feedback about their teaching, whether students have understood, and how they can extend the learning.

Avoid Sarcasm And Teasing

Humor is an effective tool for connecting with and engaging your students. But getting a laugh out of the class at the expense of a student is unprofessional and insensitive.

Here are statements some teachers are guilty of using:

“We All Know How Bad (Student Name) Did On The Test”

Making fun of students’ low grades or calling out their mistakes in a sarcastic way might get a laugh out of the class. However, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that teachers who are sarcastic, mock, and embarrass their students impact them negatively.

Even apparently harmless jokes can wear away at a student’s confidence and self-esteem. Instead, use humor positively for motivation and be willing to laugh at your own mistakes.

“Don’t You Ever Stop Talking?”

Sarcastic rhetorical questions are an unhelpful way of rebuking a student.

Rather than being snide and personal, give the student direct instructions like: “I would like you to stop talking and continue with your task.”

“Who Do You Think You Are?”

Another example of a sarcastic rhetorical question. This is an arrogant and insulting way of suggesting that the student is inferior and reminding them that you hold power in the classroom.

Questions like this invite a disrespectful answer which will only escalate the situation.

Avoid Discouraging Words

A teacher’s words must be carefully chosen to encourage and motivate students for the present classroom and future.

These are some common examples of discouragement that teachers use and should avoid.

“What Is Wrong With You?”

This is an insult framed as a rhetorical question, suggesting that a student is somehow defective, imperfect, or inadequate.

A student who has challenges with learning, comes from an abusive home, or is having an emotional day will feel unseen and discouraged. Repeated questions like this can permanently impact a student’s self-esteem.

If you ask the question as a misguided way of suggesting support, reframe the statement as “I see you are struggling. How can I help? Let’s work together to find the answer.”

“You Have So Much Potential But You Don’t Use It.”

Teachers might use this statement with the intention of challenging a student to get the best out of them. However, this attempt to motivate is misguided, discouraging, and insulting.

Instead, focus on getting to know the student better or ask them how you can help them to reach their full potential.

“You’ll Never Be Able To Do That.”

Discouraging a student from making an effort contradicts a teacher’s mission. It will more likely cause a student to quit than try harder.

Teachers may say this to students hoping to shock them into action. However, this statement is demotivating and hurtful and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy once students internalize it.

If the aim is to make a student aware of their limitations so that they can channel their efforts toward more achievable goals, this comment is not the right way to go about it.

Alternatively, the teacher should discuss with the student and agree on manageable targets with the correct level of challenge for the student.

“I’m So Disappointed In You.”

Students can disappoint teachers, but expressing your disappointment so blatantly is discouraging rather than motivating.

Instead of focusing on past mistakes, reframe the discussion into concentrating on the future: “What can you do differently next time? What will help you to make better decisions in the future?”

“You’re So Lazy.”

If a student isn’t engaging or putting in the effort, the teacher must find out why. The root cause of this behavior needs to be addressed, and the student given tools to overcome it.

Personal attacks on a student’s level of effort are hurtful. If the statement is repeated, the student may accept this label, making it part of their identity, and show even less endeavor or interest in the future.

“You’ll Never Amount To Anything.”

This phrase moves beyond discouragement to limiting students’ ability to learn, plan, or hope of achieving anything.

The role of a teacher is to help students open doors, not slam them shut.

Avoid negative statements and replace them with guidance and inspiration by reframing the message: “Let’s work together to see how you can achieve that.”

For more information and examples regarding what teachers should never say to students, check out this useful video: